As one might expect, our new passenger has resulted in some growing pains – so far,this young lady named Kalashnikov has managed to rob three ports and has put a virtual red flag over my recently acquired ship. I have this sinking feeling that today might be a rough day.
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It’s SOCAN week at CJSR, and that means it’s time we pull out all our Canadian content we’ve accumulated over the years and play it so that our young artists can get a nice cheque for $10 or something like that. Regardless, my collection of Canadian rock is becoming legendary.
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Three Bad Jacks/Crazy in the Head
Big John Bates/Amerikan
Hidden Towers/Drowning in the Baptismal Font
Zombie Ghost Train/Step into my coffin
Whitemud/No Vacancy
The Brains/Devil’s Crossroads
The Benders/Riverman
Raygun Cowboys/Sideburns & Switchblades
The Creepshow/Candy Kiss
Eve Hell & the Razors/Zombie Love
Forbidden Dimension/House of 1000 Dolls
Matadors/Black Widow
The Get Down/Blood, Sweat & Gears
Scythia/For the Bear
Zombie Girl/Jesus was a zombie
Of late, I have been experimenting with a temporal rift exploitation device, however, a foolish interloper disrupted the machine by removing several of the power sources. As an unfortunate consequence, I was mildly inconvenienced. I’ll get you next time, foolish interloper!
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The Stray Cats/Stray cat strut
The Epoxies/Need more time
Dead 60s/Riot Radio
The Dirtbombs/Jaguar
Marylin Manson/I put a spell on you
The Matadors/Black widow
DecoyDecoy/Resolvers vs Revolvers
Reverend Horton Heat/Sue Jack Daniels
The Heavy/Sixteen
Skarface/Freedom Fighter
Raygun Cowboys/Lone Wolf Blues
Forbidden Dimension/Where’s my wolves?
Cult of the Psychic Fetus/Don’t look in the basement
Ladytron/Versus
Outrageous! The Collective Coalition of cohabitable planets has place a ban on my new swamp sauce on the grounds it causes their eyes to explode – can assure you this only happened – SOMEWHAT RARELY – at the lab. Bloody consumer advocates.
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Voltaire Brothers/Which one?
Raygun Cowboys/One life left
Surf Punks/My beach
Brigitte Handley & the Dark Shadows/Dave likes dolls
Zombie ghost train/Monster rock ‘n roll
Forbidden dimension/Hitchhike to Hades
Godless wicked creeps/Little green man
Ladytron/Destroy everything you touch
Naughty zombies/Stinking neurotic
Eve Hell & the razors/Driving me to drink
Hang ten hangmen/Attack of the trophy wives
Rammstein/Stripped
Another fine evening of rocking the world. I should let you all know, I’m hosting Karaoke at the CI Longue every Saturday and every other Thursday. It’s a nice and grungy spot, but it has decent beer and .25 cent wings. We start at 9:30 pm, so check it out if you’re ever in the neighborhood. I do a mean Chuck Berry.
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As Diabatz/Summertime booze
Reverend Horton Heat/Psychobilly freakout
The Meteors/Rawhide
Forbidden Dimension/Wild old wolfman
Zombie Surf Camp/Surf zombies are go!
David Vanian and the Phantom Chords/King of fools
The Cramps/Bikini girls with machine guns
Rammstein/Te quero puta!
Dethklok/The Lost vikings
Naughty Zombies/Tengo un Pasajero
The Mutants/Outerspace oddyssy
The Dirtbombs/Here comes that sound again
Deadbolt/Zulu death mask
The Creepshow/Candy kiss
I was taking my rocket bike out for a spin on my way to the station, getting the most out of the last few days of warmth, and I opted not to wear a helmet. I would advise you to not follow my example, as a giant dragonfly hit me square in the jaw! It was delicious.
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Goblincock/Loch
The Shadows/Man of mystery
The Misfits/Land of the Dead
Man or Astroman?/Television man
Get Smart/Ready or not
Puppini Sisters/I will survive
Nekromantix/Triskaedektaphobia
Skarface/Meetic’s King
Photon Torpedoes/My brain is friend
Forbidden Dimension/Tiptoe thru the tombstones
MC5/Baby please don’t go
The Jolts/Loudness
Headcat/Let it rock
Davie Allan/Six string highway
Mephiskaphles/Devil’s Due
Hellcat and the Prowl/Pet Cemetary
The Cramps/Cornfed Dames
Recently, a terrific display of awe was met when researchers at the CERN laboratory actually measured an object faster than the speed of light. This has created a immense reverberation throughout the cosmos, as much of intergalactic civilization has been trawling around at sublight speeds for much of the past billion years or so. So, what else moves faster than light? That is for me to know, and you to find out…
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Graveside Rockers/Zombies on the Line
Forbidden Dimension/The Devil’s Generation
Epoxies/This Day
The Hearse/Astronaut
Greasy Hash/King Tripper goes only evil roads
Matadors/Let’s ride
Nekromantix/Demonspeed
Skarface/We want justice
David Vanian and the Phantom Chords/Pretty Girl
The Meteors/Attack of the Zorchmen
Eve Hell and the Razors/After Dark
Tiger Army/In the Orchard
The Brains/Vamos
Shadowy Men from a Shadowy planet/The singing cowboy
The Dirtbombs/I started a joke
Understandibly, when faced with enough pressure, even the docile Red tailed Manticore can be thrust into a bloodthirsty rage. When this has been achieved, it is best recommended that you make haste and be certain to run ahead of somebody else. A similiar strategy can be employed for survival in encounters with Zombies, Ogres, and Grizzly Bears.
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The Heavy/How you like me now?
Dead Kennedys/I fought the law
The Dirtbombs/Ode to a black man
The Ripchordz/Long Dark Train
Red Hot Rockin Hood/Boku Dake Suki Kai
Southerners/Reachin’ for my bible
Mondo Heptet/Bible Belt Bopper
Forbidden Dimension/Tor Johnson Mask
Joe Strummer/Love kills
Reservior Dogs/Dance with a chainsaw
The Brains/She my devil
Sandi Shore/Like a madness
Thee Merry Widows/Cruel Mistress
Dex Romweber Duo/Jungle Drums
Dex Romweber Duo/Gurdjieff Girl
Raveonettes/Bowels of the beast
Hotrod Frankie/Weddingtime
Beasts of Bourbon/Lonesome Bones
Drums along the Gardiner/Vagabonds
DecoyDecoy/The Moment
Hawaii Samurai/Our Favorite Martian
Brigitte Handley and the Dark Shadows/Rockin’ Lady
Cult of the Psychic Fetus/Dream Speed
Deadbolt/Zulu Death Mask
Eve Hell and the Razors/My babe
Los Straightjackets and the World famous Pontini Sisters/The mad Scientwist
The Unforgiven/The Ghost Dance
Spook and the Ghouls/Gallows are awaiting
Asmodeus/I’m thee wolfman
Destroy all monsters/You’re gonna die
Horrorpops/What’s under my bed?
Three bad jacks/Remember the nights
Bloodsucking zombies from outer space/Army of zombies
I’ve been working on a new device. I’m trying to figure out what would be a more appropriate name. Do you think Killer Exowatt Deathray quite conveys the idea of a laser that can split rocks in two?
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The Cramps/Heartbreak Hotel
Horrorpops/Walk like a zombie
Epoxies/Toys
Les Tetes Blanche/Caravan
Evil Devil/Back in the far west
Photon Torpedos/Stop and hold that UFO
Forbidden Dimension/The Johnson Mesh
Space Cossacks/Bombora
Demented are Go!/Out of Control
Mister Monster/Give my love to Rose
C’mon/Inside the walls of Jericho
Les Jaguar/Solitude
Deadbolt/I saw the King
Mad Marge and the Stonecutters/Sickness
Fuzztones/The Witch
Creepshow/Zombies ate her brain
It was recently noted by Ionian xenozoologist Xx53srtpa that the Venusian three headed tyrannosaur was definitely a predator, despite what our documentary concluded. He points out (quite properly) that its tentacles were capable of snatching a flying orca out of the air at a speed of 2200 m/s, well above the threshold to catch and bring down a 2000 pound flying whale. We apologize for the error.
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The Meteors/Who do you love?
The Neanderthals/Ghoul a Go-go!
Big John Bates/Goo goo muck
Mermen/Honeybomb
David Vanian and the Phantom Chords/Johnny, remember me
Goddamn Gallows/Under the stars
Deadpets/If it sells it sells
Ripchordz/Ripchordz are go Mark II
The Cramps/Bend over I’ll drive
Bad Whoremoans/Class of Nukem High
Forbidden Dimension/Bedroom despot
Dirtbombs/Underdog
Voronas/I love my monsters
Tiger Army/Valley of dreams
Giant Lizards shall soon rule the Earth! 