Episode 6 “Exchange this…!”

lizardFollowing our escape from the moon of Zetzibar 4b, we collected a sample of the Xenomorphs using our new ship’s teleportation technology to make a killing on the intergalactic black pet market, where thing such as Xenomorphs, Unicorns and Shoggoths can fetch an exceedingly high price. I recalled a collector, Don Lombardio on the mining superpower Gadang 7b. How foolish of me to not remember the golden rule – honest, trustworthy people do not become intergalactic mining tycoons.

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Ding Dong SongBy Gunther & The Sunshine Girls 1
SynthesizedBy Epoxies 2
Baby’s on FireBy Die Antwoord 3
Born to be wickedBy David Vanian and the Phantom Chords 4
Red LightBy Dead 60s 5
The Batcave By Empress of Fur 6
Batman’s ThemeBy Hawaii Samurai 7
Cars Hiss By My WindowBy The Doors 8
Shotgun babyBy Godless Wicked Creeps 9
Tornado MaryBy Green Monster 10
Borg SexBy Joe Satriani 11
Better Metal SnakeBy Dethklok 12
StrippedBy Rammstein 13

Episode Four – “The Terror of Tribbles”

terror-of-tribblesNot giving a second thought to whom my latest detractors might happen to be, it was time to ship-out to the Gas Giant Zetzibarr IV, where a Space Station had been petitioning my regime for assistance for several years. Little did we know the cuddly, fuzzy bloodbath we were about to stumble into…

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Travelling Riverside BluesBy Led Zepplin 1
Finnegan’s WakeBy Dropkick Murphys 2
Hillbillies on SpeedBy The Hillbilly Hepcats 3
Monsters over TokyoBy Famous Monsters 4
Cult of the Psychic FetusBy Cult of the psychic fetus 5
BracadabroBy Damn Laser Vampires 6
Season of the WtichBy Dr John 7
Mala VidaBy Golgol Bordello 8
Comet SongBy Dethklok 9
VampireBy Sharkbait 10
Riders On The StormBy Ex Voto 11
Satanas Ex Machina (People’s Republic of Europe Remix)By Nekrotek 12
Alladin SaneBy David Bowie 13

Episode 3 – “Treasure of the tomb of Pachacuti – Part II”

lizardWell, clearly by seeking out the fabulous treasures of Pachacuti (as documented in Treasure of the Tomb of Pachacuti – Part One) I have managed to draw some unwanted attention to myself. Aside from that goofball Shredditor making his usual rounds of attempted murder, now some new cosmic force has cast a heavily armoured deathbot in my path. I managed to overcome these two obstacles in my usual unconventional manner though…

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Living DeadBy Phantom Rockers 1
Hot rod hearseBy The Benders 2
UFO in a Russian VillageBy Bikes ‘n Hollers 3
Wild SaxophoneBy Stray Cats 4
Elephant WalkBy The Scallywags 5
Just JamminBy Gramatik 6
LadyBy Fela Kuti 7
Pink NoiseBy Diablo Swing Orchestra 8
Burn The EarthBy Dethklok 9

May 22nd, 2013

lizardRecently I have been receiving strange transmissions from an unknown origin. Nothing to worry about, I would assume. After all, my intergalactic transport is equipped with the most sophisticated defenses! Now if only I could remember where I left my keys..

 

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GarbagemanBy The cramps 1
Psycho Ball and ChainBy The Creepshow 2
Give it allBy The Brains 3
Wenches & MeadBy Alestorm 4
Beast in the cellarBy Demented Are Go 5
Zombie LoveBy Eve Hell & the razors 6
The Cyborg SlayersBy Dethklok 7
Sundown at the GallowsBy The lava rats 8
Amor PsychoBy Voodoo Zombie 9
At my mercyBy The Coffinshakers 10
Deep BlueBy Ladytron 11
Highway PatrolBy Tangerine Dream 12

April 10th, 2013

lizard        I am appalled that the Obama adminstration has rejected my petition to start a Xenomorph fighting ring. It would be a massive boon to the economy, and create a huge number of hosts from – I mean jobs for – middle class americans. I mean really, they’re just Xenomorphs, what the hell could possibly go wrong? Obama just keeps raining on my parade. Just last week he rejected my petition to pipe toxic sludge through yellowstone park and the everglades. I mean, my pipelines only rupture a couple hundred times a year, that’s statistically not happening at all! Jerk.

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MurmaiderBy Dethklok 1
Road house bluesBy Ministry 2
Nemesis DivinaBy Satyricon 3
Get Your Body BeatBy Combichrist 4
Bring Me BackBy Theatres des Vampire 5
Bikini Girls with Machine GunsBy The cramps 6
AmerikanBy Big John Bates 7
Way down to hellBy Nekromantix 8
LiesBy The rolling stones 9
Short change heroBy The Heavy 10
Heroes / HeldenBy David Bowie 11
Sun Going DownBy The Tea Party 12
Losing My ReligionBy PATTI SMITH 13

March 27th, 2013

lizardPerhaps we need to keep things in perspective. If we allow the Federation of Tau Ceti to start mining stars, whats next? Eventually they’ll run out of white dwarfs and move on to more habited stars. I’m not looking forward to the day I pick up my interstellar paper and read about some poor pre-galactic civilization getting wiped out because some fat-ass decided to mine all the heavy elements out of their star…

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AwakenBy Dethklok 1
Pale white roseBy Vulture Club 2
Bang bangBy Astro Zombies 3
SpellboundBy Spellbound 4
Skarface returnBy Skarface 5
LycanthropyBy BACK TO ZERO 6
HotrodsBy Raygun Cowboys 7
Thrill MeBy Three Bad Jacks 8
Hotrod VampiresBy Demented Are Go 9
The FogBy Blitzkid 10
Peace FrogBy Mephisto Waltz 11
‘Manipulation’By Lesbians on Ecstacy 12
Scary MonstersBy David Bowie 13
Burning InsideBy Ministry 14
WishmasterBy Nightwish 15

February 20th, 2013

lizardDepending on a planet’s proximity to its sun, and the radiance and size of the sun itself, the resulting light received by the planet will be noticibly different. Whereas the skies on Earth are blue, the skies of Beetlegeuse IV are a strange magenta. This change of natural light has dramatic effects on the wildlife, the modified light has allowed plant-like organisms to develop limbs that are a strange combination of roots and legs. These legroots can absorb nuttrients from the soil as well as enable locomotion, which allows many of these plant-like organisms, like the massive Spiked Howler, to hunt and devour prey of all sorts.

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Tom Waits/Hell broke luce
Big John Bates/Fields of fire
The Vladmirs/Her black hearse
Reventlos/Death of a Reventlo
Godzilla Flip/From the dark side
Empress of Fur/Roadster
Dead 60s/Red Light
Karloff/Succubusty
Whip Crackin’ Daddies/Fire
The Doors/Back door man
Dethklok/The Gears
Scythia/Dies Irae Pt.1
Black Sabbath/Faeries wear boots

February 6th, 2013

LizardpeopleRecently a study at one of your universities concluded that the majority of life-bearing planets may orbit Red Dwarfs, the most numerous stars in the galaxy. I can verify that this is indeed true – one of my favorite places to vacation is Hibernius Z, a super-earth about 27 light years away from here. It is a hot jungle paradise with a crimson red sky, where its close proximity to the star allows for heightened plate-tectonic activity. As a consequence, there is always a volcano or two going off keeping the planet nice and warm for reptilians like myself.

Someday, after your species has annihilated itself with your various global climate altering shenanigans, perhaps my people will come here to vacation too. They’ll explore your ruins like you do ancient ruins nowadays.

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Dethklok/Awaken
Ministry/Space Truckin’
Korn/Another brick in the wall
David Bowie & Trent Reznor/I’m afraid of americans
Front Line Assembly/Attack the masses
Patti Smith/White Rabbit
The Viletones/Screaming Fist
Mondo Heptet/Abdullah
Brainbuster/Cyber Punx from space of future
Damn Laser Vampires/M.IMephisto Waltz/Peace Frog
PC Project/Gaudalier
George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic/Maggot Brain

Playlist for January 10th, 2012

Coming to you from across both space and time these days, and alas, this has provided a few holes for my nemesis to disrupt my plans. No matter, I shall overcome my detractors with renewed resistance!

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The Space Cossacks/Bombora
Kitty in a casket/Nekrophilian love
Bloodsucking zombies from outer space/Dracula’s Cadillac
Empress of Fur/The Batcave
Graveside Rockers/Self destruct
Dead Milkmen/Big Lizard in my backyard
The Get Down/Bring on the night
Satyricon/Vikingland
Dethklok/Uber cannon deth sentence
The Tea Party/Babylon
Mad Marge & the Stoncutters/In the name of
Lydia Lunch/Lady Scarface
Lulu’s Marble/Girl give me love
Gore Gore Girls/Voodoo doll
Theatre des Vampire/La danse macabre du vampire

Giant Lizards shall soon rule the Earth – December 6th, 2011

Another fine evening of rocking the world. I should let you all know, I’m hosting Karaoke at the CI Longue every Saturday and every other Thursday. It’s a nice and grungy spot, but it has decent beer and .25 cent wings. We start at 9:30 pm, so check it out if you’re ever in the neighborhood. I do a mean Chuck Berry.

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As Diabatz/Summertime booze
Reverend Horton Heat/Psychobilly freakout
The Meteors/Rawhide
Forbidden Dimension/Wild old wolfman
Zombie Surf Camp/Surf zombies are go!
David Vanian and the Phantom Chords/King of fools
The Cramps/Bikini girls with machine guns
Rammstein/Te quero puta!
Dethklok/The Lost vikings
Naughty Zombies/Tengo un Pasajero
The Mutants/Outerspace oddyssy
The Dirtbombs/Here comes that sound again
Deadbolt/Zulu death mask
The Creepshow/Candy kiss