Word of Ziggy the Hutt’s bounty on my head seems to traveled fast – every blasted space station we end up docking at wants to arrest me and sell me to him. With Kalashnikov on light duty, I felt it was safest to drop the little traitor off on a small trawler we passed by on our way between space stations.
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Not giving a second thought to whom my latest detractors might happen to be, it was time to ship-out to the Gas Giant Zetzibarr IV, where a Space Station had been petitioning my regime for assistance for several years. Little did we know the cuddly, fuzzy bloodbath we were about to stumble into…
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Perhaps the most preposterous proposition yet posited by the populace is the prediction that the planet is eventually going to polarize. Such silly stances on the situation at hand simply simulate the self suppression system that has been successfully used to stymie the superhuman synchronization of the Earth’s symbiotic species.
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Fish come in many shapes and sizes. The Venusian Flying Goliath, for example, is rather flattened in its shape, due to the intense pressures of Venus’ atmosphere in which it ‘swims’. There, it hunts its favorite prey, the Dioctopod lobster.
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I am appalled that the Obama adminstration has rejected my petition to start a Xenomorph fighting ring. It would be a massive boon to the economy, and create a huge number of hosts from – I mean jobs for – middle class americans. I mean really, they’re just Xenomorphs, what the hell could possibly go wrong? Obama just keeps raining on my parade. Just last week he rejected my petition to pipe toxic sludge through yellowstone park and the everglades. I mean, my pipelines only rupture a couple hundred times a year, that’s statistically not happening at all! Jerk.
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In some instances, it is better to avoid drawing attention to oneself. For example, I have on good authority that episodes of the original Star Trek have reached Kling, where the residents are grossly offended by their depiction in the low budget classic. They may yet intend harm to our fair solar system.
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Perhaps we need to keep things in perspective. If we allow the Federation of Tau Ceti to start mining stars, whats next? Eventually they’ll run out of white dwarfs and move on to more habited stars. I’m not looking forward to the day I pick up my interstellar paper and read about some poor pre-galactic civilization getting wiped out because some fat-ass decided to mine all the heavy elements out of their star…
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| AwakenBy Dethklok | 1 |
| Pale white roseBy Vulture Club | 2 |
| Bang bangBy Astro Zombies | 3 |
| SpellboundBy Spellbound | 4 |
| Skarface returnBy Skarface | 5 |
| LycanthropyBy BACK TO ZERO | 6 |
| HotrodsBy Raygun Cowboys | 7 |
| Thrill MeBy Three Bad Jacks | 8 |
| Hotrod VampiresBy Demented Are Go | 9 |
| The FogBy Blitzkid | 10 |
| Peace FrogBy Mephisto Waltz | 11 |
| ‘Manipulation’By Lesbians on Ecstacy | 12 |
| Scary MonstersBy David Bowie | 13 |
| Burning InsideBy Ministry | 14 |
| WishmasterBy Nightwish | 15 |
So I recently summoned a lesser daemon from a plane of pure malice and torment. He wouldn’t tell me his real name, so I called him squinky. He’s a tiny little rascal, not three feet tall with the most adoriable little wings and fangs. The kind of cute that you just want to bludgeon it to death with a solid two-by-four. Pikachu cute. Plus the little fucker shat everywhere and tried to eat the cat. So I didn’t keep him around for long.
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Recently a study at one of your universities concluded that the majority of life-bearing planets may orbit Red Dwarfs, the most numerous stars in the galaxy. I can verify that this is indeed true – one of my favorite places to vacation is Hibernius Z, a super-earth about 27 light years away from here. It is a hot jungle paradise with a crimson red sky, where its close proximity to the star allows for heightened plate-tectonic activity. As a consequence, there is always a volcano or two going off keeping the planet nice and warm for reptilians like myself.
Someday, after your species has annihilated itself with your various global climate altering shenanigans, perhaps my people will come here to vacation too. They’ll explore your ruins like you do ancient ruins nowadays.
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Dethklok/Awaken
Ministry/Space Truckin’
Korn/Another brick in the wall
David Bowie & Trent Reznor/I’m afraid of americans
Front Line Assembly/Attack the masses
Patti Smith/White Rabbit
The Viletones/Screaming Fist
Mondo Heptet/Abdullah
Brainbuster/Cyber Punx from space of future
Damn Laser Vampires/M.IMephisto Waltz/Peace Frog
PC Project/Gaudalier
George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic/Maggot Brain
Wow, what a couple of weeks. First, there was the dramatic shift in human consciousness that caused my rock and roll nightmare to be heard from 2-3pm Wednesdays from now on, and then a small chunk of my empire decided to have a revolution. So here’s the month’s podcasts in one easy to find post.
I’ve also come to the discovery that because of that idiotic SOPA legislation, one of my file hosting sites jettisoned all their hosted files, which included a sizable chunk of my podcasts. I have some droogs working on it.
Click here to download the February 7th podcast
Click here to download the February 8th podcast
Click here to download the February 22nd podcast
Dedicated in loving memory to Rosalie Dawn Gregory. You will be missed.
February 7th, 2012
Naughty Zombies/Me gusta ser una zorra
Nekromantix/Demons are a girls best friend
The Get Down/Gut feeling
The Space Cossacks/Bombora
Whitemud/No vacancy
Eve Hell & the Razors/Galaxy 500
Raygun Cowboys/Dead end girl
Mad Marge & the Stonecutters/Fishnet stockings
Demented are Go!/I wanna be your slave
Reverend Horton Heat/Where in the hell did you go with my toothbrush?
Deadbolt/It was you
The Dirtbombs/Ode to a black man
The Cramps/I was a teenage werewolf
The Cramps/Sunglasses after dark
Tiger Army/Where the moss slowly grows
February 8th, 2012
The Cramps/Heartbreak hotel
The Lava Rats/Militant cyclist
The Meteors/Rawhide
The Creepshow/The garden
The Get Down/Empty hearts
Hellcat and the Prowl/Halloween
Whitemud/No vacancy
Rammstein/Stripped
Apocalyptica/Hall of the Mountain King
Damn Laser Vampires/Graveyard Polka
Ladytron/Versus
February 22nd, 2012
Gutter Demons/The Funeral
David Bowie & Iggy Pop/The Passenger
The Benders/Out on the tar sands
Queen/Keep yourself alive (live)
Reverend Horton Heat/Where in the hell did you go with my toothbrush?
Zombie Ghost Train/R.I.P
Dead City Serpents/Zombie Threat
The Get Down/Bring on the night
The Tea Party/Turn the lamp down
Eve Hell & the Razors/Lipstick on my microphone
Theatre des Vampires/La danse Macabre du vampire
Bad Whoremoans/Science Fiction Double Feature
Tiger Army/Where the moss slowly grows
Giant Lizards shall soon rule the Earth! 