My goodness! Is it ever nice to be out of that carbonite. Much to my surprise, my longtime nemesis Shredditor was somehow involved in my emancipation. Of course, we still have the whole issue of Zezebet trying to kill millions of souls for his demon-god or something to that effect. I sure hope the little scamper got my message while I was assimulated… what the hell was his name again? Stevie, Stewie… Stinky… ahh, whatever.
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WE ARE REPTILIUS OF BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMULATED.
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Word of Ziggy the Hutt’s bounty on my head seems to traveled fast – every blasted space station we end up docking at wants to arrest me and sell me to him. With Kalashnikov on light duty, I felt it was safest to drop the little traitor off on a small trawler we passed by on our way between space stations.
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Following our narrow escape from the planet of the apes, I really needed a vacation – so we headed off to Tsaraskis IV for some good ‘ole R&R. After all, no one should be able to track us flying through the galaxy in our gigantic dragonzord, right?
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Today, we take a look at some of the magnificent beasts that make the North American landscape what it is, Examining the many megafauna that dot the western landscape, my completely vunerable film crew will follow the mighty Tyrannosaur and Velociraptor on their normal hunting forays. What’s that? Did we bring sufficient firepower? What would we need that for?
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| HeroinesBy Diablo Swing Orchestra | 1 |
| VarlaBy Thee Merry Widows | 2 |
| How You Like Me Now?By The Heavy | 3 |
| The ChaseBy Demented Are Go | 4 |
| Bats.By The Mutilators | 5 |
| She’s wickedBy The Fuzztones | 6 |
| Keep on doggin’ meBy Blacktop | 7 |
| InsaneBy The Meteors | 8 |
| Psychomad MaryBy As Diabatz | 9 |
| AmerikanBy Big John Bates | 10 |
| SwashbuckledBy Alestorm | 11 |
| DUKE NUKEMBy Megatron | 12 |
| Sleeping SunBy Nightwish | 13 |
| Gaudalier PC Project RemixBy Corvus Corvax | 14 |
I am appalled that the Obama adminstration has rejected my petition to start a Xenomorph fighting ring. It would be a massive boon to the economy, and create a huge number of hosts from – I mean jobs for – middle class americans. I mean really, they’re just Xenomorphs, what the hell could possibly go wrong? Obama just keeps raining on my parade. Just last week he rejected my petition to pipe toxic sludge through yellowstone park and the everglades. I mean, my pipelines only rupture a couple hundred times a year, that’s statistically not happening at all! Jerk.
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Depending on a planet’s proximity to its sun, and the radiance and size of the sun itself, the resulting light received by the planet will be noticibly different. Whereas the skies on Earth are blue, the skies of Beetlegeuse IV are a strange magenta. This change of natural light has dramatic effects on the wildlife, the modified light has allowed plant-like organisms to develop limbs that are a strange combination of roots and legs. These legroots can absorb nuttrients from the soil as well as enable locomotion, which allows many of these plant-like organisms, like the massive Spiked Howler, to hunt and devour prey of all sorts.
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Tom Waits/Hell broke luce
Big John Bates/Fields of fire
The Vladmirs/Her black hearse
Reventlos/Death of a Reventlo
Godzilla Flip/From the dark side
Empress of Fur/Roadster
Dead 60s/Red Light
Karloff/Succubusty
Whip Crackin’ Daddies/Fire
The Doors/Back door man
Dethklok/The Gears
Scythia/Dies Irae Pt.1
Black Sabbath/Faeries wear boots
It’s SOCAN week at CJSR, and that means it’s time we pull out all our Canadian content we’ve accumulated over the years and play it so that our young artists can get a nice cheque for $10 or something like that. Regardless, my collection of Canadian rock is becoming legendary.
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Three Bad Jacks/Crazy in the Head
Big John Bates/Amerikan
Hidden Towers/Drowning in the Baptismal Font
Zombie Ghost Train/Step into my coffin
Whitemud/No Vacancy
The Brains/Devil’s Crossroads
The Benders/Riverman
Raygun Cowboys/Sideburns & Switchblades
The Creepshow/Candy Kiss
Eve Hell & the Razors/Zombie Love
Forbidden Dimension/House of 1000 Dolls
Matadors/Black Widow
The Get Down/Blood, Sweat & Gears
Scythia/For the Bear
Zombie Girl/Jesus was a zombie
This week a devoted fan-band was kind enough to deliver some cds and vinyl to CJSR World Domination headquarters – the band was Hidden Towers, and they will be playing at Wunderbar on January 19th – somewhat time sensitive, I know, but it’s good to switch things up every so often, no?
Bands that follow their example will of course receive equally groovy honours.
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Ministry/Space Truckin’
Brian Setzer/Go go Godzilla!
Hidden Towers/Gainsford, AB (Cup of Blood)
Voodoo Swing/Gallagator
Cult of the Psychic Fetus/Devil woman on the 199
Damn Laser Vampires/Let’s get drunk together
Hidden Towers/Son of the Dragon
Whitemud/No Vacany
Big John Bates/Amerikan
The Meteors/Paint it Black
The Fuzztones/She’s Wicked
Hidden Towers/Nobody knew how high she’d get
Theatres Des Vampire/La Danse Macabre De Vampire
Ah, nothing quite like summer! The constant rains, the endless onslaught of bloodsucking drones, watching your skin boil away along with your beer! Can’t get enough of it.
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The Creepshow/Doghouse
The Desmonds/Bureaucrat from Hell
The Get Down/Gut feeling
Shadowy men from a shadowy planet/Cheese in the fridge
Man or Astroman?/Eisenhower and the hippies
Color me psycho/Transylvanian erotica
Condition/Ghost train
Big John Bates/Take it off
T-Birds/Thunder rock
Bum/Screaming fist
Koffin Kats/Needles and blades
The Brains/Devil’s crossroads
Eve Hell and the Razors/Driving me to drink
Raygun Cowboys/Sideburns and switchblades
Decoydecoy/Electromagnetic war
Giant Lizards shall soon rule the Earth! 