I was greatly saddened by the passing of the great David Bowie, and so determined to devote my hour of programming to remembering his influence on the world. As his own style transformed with the world around him, I was left with a great deal of variety to the music that I had to choose from. So sit back and enjoy this sendoff to our dear Major Tom, the man who fell to Earth.
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My goodness! Is it ever nice to be out of that carbonite. Much to my surprise, my longtime nemesis Shredditor was somehow involved in my emancipation. Of course, we still have the whole issue of Zezebet trying to kill millions of souls for his demon-god or something to that effect. I sure hope the little scamper got my message while I was assimulated… what the hell was his name again? Stevie, Stewie… Stinky… ahh, whatever.
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Kalashnikov personal log – Entry 557.
Following the assimulation of the Lizard King, we attempted to rescue him from the Borg Cube. This resulted in a great deal of casualties and we were ultimately forced to retreat and regroup. Then, after we had prepared an effective counterattack, they had disapeared. The HUB was gone.
So I remembered hearing Shredditor boasting about planting a tracking device into the Lizard King, and decided to see if I could convince him to let me have use of it.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! With the Lizard King missing in action, I am now able to take over his time slot, and spread my message of anarchy and destruction! We have sealed the Eye of Zezebet in a lead container, and now I have prepared my next move. Soon, we will begin an expedition to find and recover the Lizard King’s corpse or – if the Lizard King is in fact still alive – make him a corpse. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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WE ARE REPTILIUS OF BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMULATED.
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Word of Ziggy the Hutt’s bounty on my head seems to traveled fast – every blasted space station we end up docking at wants to arrest me and sell me to him. With Kalashnikov on light duty, I felt it was safest to drop the little traitor off on a small trawler we passed by on our way between space stations.
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Well, if that just isn’t the most rotten of luck – We’ve managed to accidentally release Zezebet, the Lord of the night and known dangerous Sith Lord, out of his eternal prison. Whoops. Well, I suppose it’s our moral responsibility to figure out how to put him back. First, we shall go to the legendary planet Alphin 9, where the great Elders who sealed Zezebet far away are said to reside to this very day. Hopefully they can help us.
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Well, fiddlesticks! I was unsuccessful in executing the Shadow Lord Zezebet, partially or more probably completely due to my refusal to inform my cohorts of my intentions, and on top of that my first officer since the second episode has been secretly revealing my location to the rather nefarious Ziggy the Hutt, who apparently thinks I owe him money or something. With little other choice, we set forth to Alphin 7 in hopes of discovering a means of putting the Shadow Lord Zezebet back into his eternal prison.
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Following our narrow escape from the planet of the apes, I really needed a vacation – so we headed off to Tsaraskis IV for some good ‘ole R&R. After all, no one should be able to track us flying through the galaxy in our gigantic dragonzord, right?
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Are you gonna go my way – Lenny Kravitz
Giant Lizards shall soon rule the Earth! 